Specialis Lacuna
by Samstruck
Summary: Title is Latin for 'Secret Words'.Co-written with a dear friend Varsha Chakkera. Words have the power to heal wounds and save souls from the pit of despair. Words are the most powerful weapons in the world. These are journal entries written by Sam and Dean Winchester about the importance and power of words in their lives. After all, their words do save each other all the time..
1. Journal Entry 1: Sam Winchester

Specialis Lacuna

_Disclaimer: We don't own 'Supernatural'! _

Title is Latin for 'Secret Words'…

_Sam Winchester_

_Journal Entry: 1_

_[Hello, Cruel World]_

Sometimes, when everything else fails, Dean's words have a way of saving me. His words have this effect on me like nothing else does. He'd probably call me a girl if he reads this, but it won't make it any less true…People might see me as the brains of the operation and Dean as the brawn, but what they don't know is that Dean has this special power, a power that only I…maybe even Cass know about…

… Dean has never been much of a talker…the whole macho silence thing…when when it counts…when it really counts, he will weave a magic of words of love and truth so strong that even all heaven and hell can't help but get influenced by it…

And neither can Lucifer [who is sitting by Bobby's window and reading about prince William's wedding. He's not real.] …

_**Words can break the barriers between reality and illusions. Words can also define reality with such illustrations that even illusions will seem real…**_

_TBC…_

_The end of Journal Entry 1._

_This journal will have mostly Sam's entries but a few of Dean's too._

_We tried writing something different this time!_

_Reviews=Love!_

_~Samstruck and Varsha!_


	2. Journal Entry 2: Sam Winchester

Specialis Lacuna

_Disclaimer: We don't own 'Supernatural'! _

Title is Latin for 'Secret Words'…

_Sam Winchester_

_Journal Entry-2_

_[The Girl Next Door]_

How does a day that starts with a food run[forgot the damn pie again! I swear Dean's love affair with that thing is getting scary and dangerous!] turn into a day so physically and emotionally draining? I know I haven't had the most spotless records, I know I have made some mistakes and choices that I regret but I'm trying to redeem for all those black spots in my life…I'm trying to get past them and be what Dean wants me to be…

…Till one word from him and it all comes crumbling down like a sick dream…

Words…they hurt me like no punch or kick or anything else can…I don't…God! It hurts so bad…I'm trying, I really am…then why…why did it take only a single word to drag me down to the deepest pit of my mind and make my fears seem so real?

…Why?

_**Words have the power to mend the broken and also to destroy the perfect. But words are the weapons that yield most power and when used to destroy, they leave a path filled with wounds and doubts that heal not easily…**_

_TBC…_

_Done with Entry 2! _

_Reviews=Love!_

_~Samstruck and Varsha!_


	3. Journal Entry 3: Sam Winchester

Specialis Lacuna

_Disclaimer: We don't own 'Supernatural'! _

Title is Latin for 'Secret Words'…

_Sam Winchester_

_Journal Entry-3_

_[Defending Your Life]_

Guilt runs bone deep in him…Guilt for the things he shouldn't feel guilty about!

Today, the whole ordeal with Osiris made me see how deep Dean's guilt runs and when he called me up to the victim's stand, it hit me like a freight train…Dean beats himself up over things that he had no control over…even for things that I did…

I can try…try and tell him till his ears bleed out that he couldn't have done anything to stop any of it from happening…no matter what changed in the past, we'd still be here…that it doesn't matter because all the events of the past are the ones that made us stronger…and that's the only thing that matters…

But he'll still let it eat him up…he'll bury it within and let it all pile up until he has no way up…

Why doesn't he get it?! He doesn't see the power words have over him…how they push him down for the things he didn't do… And being the macho jerk that he is, he'd rather drown all the noise with alcohol rather than talk it out.

God, I wish I knew how he knows what to say at the right time…but…that's Dean's special magic with words…

…I just want to know what to say to make it all right…the power of words…

**Words lift up spirits and put them down at the same time. Words add life but also have the power to take them…**

_Tbc.._

_Done with Entry 3! _

_Reviews=Love!_

_~Samstruck and Varsha!_


	4. Journal Entry 4: Sam Winchester

Specialis Lacuna

_**HAPPY BIRTHDAY VARSHA!**_

_Disclaimer: We don't own 'Supernatural'! _

Title is Latin for 'Secret Words'…

_Sam Winchester_

_Journal Entry-4_

_[Slash Fiction]_

Now I know... that my word mean nothing to him, and it hurts…hurts a lot more than I thought… I don't have my way with words like Dean and I've made peace with that a long time ago… But I thought maybe, even though I don't have his words, at least they receive a benefit of the doubt...atleast... I thought they did. Amy was killing because her kid was sick…and I know her, she isn't the type that kills without having absolute reason… he didn't trust her with that and I get that…but he should've trusted me…trusted that I know what's right and what's not… What's worse is that if he had told me about him killing Amy on his own, I wouldn't have felt so betrayed…sure, I'd have felt just as angry but I would've let it slide after a while even though it hurts that he doesn't trust my judgment…because he was honest about what he did… but he didn't… what's worse.. is that...I got to hear it from a Leviathan… hurt and betrayal doesn't come close to what I feel…not even close… I guess he doesn't trust me after all...

…That's what it comes down to in the end…for the both of us...

…Trust…

**Words are never empty. They hold the strength that defines a bond, a relationship...But when the meaning is lost in a tide of doubt and regret, destruction reins before they are seen again**

_Tbc.._

_Done with Entry 4! _

_Reviews=Love!_

_~Samstruck and Varsha!_


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